In search of completeness

“What does being happy really feels like?” I wondered today.

I’m sitting in my lounge seats overlooking my swimming pool on a day-off when the sun is boosting temperatures till over 30°. My cute boxer pup is laying next to me after having made me laugh with her playful moves. This should be a joyful moment, so why doesn’t it feel that way?

Happiness is to me a sense of feeling complete. When you don’t, you feel a certain emptiness in your heart, chest and often your mind is covered up in clouds like on a misty day. That’s why I personally think happiness is equal to feeling complete.

Believe me, that feeling of being incomplete, being lonely, is very painful. Even after I just spent time with my daughter, with friends, played drums in a band, went for horse riding, whatever,… as soon as I drive home alone, I feel lonely again. I could describe it as the same pain that one feels when one misses someone (my daughter?, my summer love?, my adoption mum who passed away last year, maybe even my birth mother whom I don’t have any reminiscence of,…?) I can’t tell… Maybe it’s really someone I’m unconsciously still connected to. I strangely do believe in that kind of connectedness.

So, when does one feel complete?

Some do feel complete when they have that family bond, that cute child or these lovely children, … I’m fine with that.

Some do feel complete when they live in that house with a garden or maybe in a lovely appartment… I’m fine with that.

Some do feel complete when they drive a fancy (company) car or bike. I’m fine with that.

Some do feel complete when they are in a relationship with a beautiful, sexy and preferably loving partner. I’m fine with that.

Some do feel complete when… whatever they have or strive for…

I do have or have been blessed with all of the above. But I seem to be less fine with that… (besides raising my daughter who is the love of my life of course :-).

I learned that, and I’m still graduating in this belief, that finding and loving your authentic self is the only way to make you feel complete. Everyone or everything else should be an added value to your life.

The emptiness I often feel, the pain of being lonely,… I was wondering about the what and why of that pressing feeling. I start realizing that it could be the disconnection with my true inner self, with my authentic self. It sounds crazy, but maybe my body or soul was signalling me that I’m disconnected from my own core.

Find yourself. Love yourself. And be amazed how some people will unexpectedly cross your path, how changes in your life suddenly will make sense – despite all pain of separation, regrets, disbelief, denial, … While I do completely echo this learning, I need to admit again that I’m not there yet.
Still not feeling complete in the sense that I describe above.

I’m still craving for that nice young lady with whom I can spend ages under a starry night enjoying olives and white wine, with whom I share joy but also deepest feelings, with whom I can get that family feeling back again, …

But again, this will not be what makes one complete. Don’t try to find the happiness outside of yourself, or in others. Other people come and go in your life.

Don’t try to find the lady or man that makes you feel complete. Rather believe that one day you cross the path of someone who recognizes and cherishes that you already do feel complete. If you are already with that person that feels and accepts your completeness, you are damn lucky and I’m really happy for you!

I wanted to write this post right after a new soulmate connection shared following wise words with me: “Sometimes one needs a heart break to open one’s heart to him or herself”.

As always, you can reach out to me if you have questions, want to exchange your thoughts, …
always welcome. Namaste.

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