It has been some months since she left. Leaving me behind in a state of despair and confusion.
I didn’t want to belief, didn’t want to accept. Love suddenly became to me a total illusion.
Right after, I found myself hopelessly in a kind of mental state, most people would call it a depression. Reading, awakening, crying, sometimes wanting life to end, I fought back and made it a hard lesson.
Still I don’t understand, why it had to end.
What she told, I still try to unfold.
What was real, what was really meant?
Nevertheless, her words hit me till the bitter end.
I know, I should know better.
Don’t let someone’s perspective push you off your ladder.
Slowly I’m climbing up again, step-by-step to find back my authenticity.
Maybe it really is about synchronicity…
Incidents co-incidentally happen with a purpose in life.
Although sometimes it can feel like someone’s cutting you with a knife.
Slowly pushing you into an intended direction.
As if, everything was meant to be full of imperfection.
I recently crossed the path of another love.
I found what I need, but still regret I no longer have what I wanted.
Full of hope, I start to like what I need – even when the rollercoaster of emotions feels rough.
But I still regret I no longer have what I ever wanted.
In this twilight zone between despair and hope,
I still fight my every day demons while hanging on to my safety rope.
I realise I keep on pushing loved ones away,
Hard to understand as I just want them to stay.
People that love me, that want me.
I just don’t want them to hate me.
I just don’t want to be left alone.
Don’t want that feeling again of being abandoned far from home.
Help me understand, how I can nourish again the positive,
While fading out all negative.
I’m living in my twilight zone between despair and hope,
Hoping that synchronicity is my safety rope.