What you pay attention to grows. If your attention is attracted to negative situations and emotions, then they will grow in your awareness”. What an insightful quote from Deepak Chopra. It fully makes sense, but it’s so hard to change our mindset in this way. Pay attention to positive situations, thoughts, emotions and your will perceive your life as more promising.
Of course, I already knew this from different readings (books, social media, personal effectiveness training, etc.) but today I have some hope that I might apply this learning into my current life.
I had a good follow-up consultation with my life coach which might be a step-change for me.
She is really great in turning my negative downward spiral of sharing my life struggles into more positive reinforcement.
I stepped out of my consultation session with the task to create my own Vision Board – an overview of my strengths and talents, that helped me to become the person I am today. I can be proud of who I have become, how I have been resilient to fight my way through all life events and to still manage my challenging day-to-day life.
Focus on the positive, focus on achievements so far but even so on future dreams.
What I also recently learned is to know my values and to stick to them. Don’t question them, don’t put yourself lower than others who mismatch with these values. You have internalized certain values and beliefs that stem from both nature and nurture. You inherited values and beliefs from your (adoption) parents, family, friends, significant others, teachers, etc. These are yours now and others that want to be in your life, better handle these values and beliefs with care.
Like a chameleon, I have mostly adapted myself to the needs and directives of my environment, of society… Even in (romantic) relations, we tend to try to please the other in order not to offend or lose them. Even if our values are not aligned. This is a hard reality for many adoptees, but equally for any person that has suffered (child) trauma.
In the past years, I learned to defend my rights and back-up my needs – especially in my job.
As an independent contractor it’s business critical to negotiate your mission and define your boundaries.
Like a lion, I’m growing and getting stronger. But there is still a long way to go.
I realize that in the past 3 years I have mainly been focussing on the consequences of adoption, trauma, primal wound, generational patterns,… I craved for understanding the what and why of what I sometimes believed was a painful life. I have a strong analytical mind and I’m a fast learner,
but I used these positive talents to data mine my past, my emotional brain and crawl through tons of possible solutions.
With all I have read and learned in books, on social media posts, in multiple therapy treatments of all sorts, I can you tell you a lot about terrifying adoption consequences, trauma therapy, generational trauma, unmet child needs, hard to break behavioural patterns, genetic mirroring and so on.
However, I’m a terrible student in learning how to turn the tide. How to turn the negative downward spiral or vicious circle into a positive movement.
A movement towards being proud of yourself and what you have achieved so far. The beautiful person you have become even if an important piece of the puzzle is still missing (no genetic mirror, no clue about your birth family and roots).
To be continued…